In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.
- Galileo Galilei
The weakest living creature, by concentrating his powers on a single object, can accomplish good results while the strongest, by dispersing his effort over many chores, may fail to accomplish anything. Drops of water, by continually falling, hone their passage through the hardest of rocks but the hasty torrent rushes over it with hideous uproar and leaves no trace behind.
- Og Mandino
"I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure--that is all that agnosticism means."
- Clarence Seward Darrow (1857-1938)
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.
Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life
through the wrong end of a telescope.
Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
- Dr. Seuss
I am the guy who came out to the entire school in his senior speech and got a standing ovation for his courage.
I am the girl who kisses her girlfriend on the sidewalk and laughs at those who glare.
We are the couple who planned and studied and got a damn good lawyer and BEAT the state that wanted to take our child away.
We are the ones who took martial arts classes and carry pepper spray and are just too dangerous to gay bash.
I am the transgender person who uses the bathroom that suits me, and demands that any complaining staff explain their complaint to my face in front of the entire restaurant--and shares with my other trans friends which restaurants don't raise a stink.
I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner.
I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag.
I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God.
I am the girl who did not learn the meaning of "homosexual" until high school but never thought to question why two men might be kissing.
I am the woman who argues (quite loudly and vehemently) with the bigots who insist that you do not have the right to marry or raise children.
We are the high school class who agrees, unanimously, along with our teacher, that love should be all that matters.
I am making a difference. Hate will not win.
If you agree, repost this. Do it. You don't have to be afraid. You can handle it. You're stronger than you think.
Six humans trapped by happenstance
in black and bitter cold
Each possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story's told.
Their dying fire in need of logs,
the first woman held hers back
For on the faces around the fire
She noticed one was black.
The next man looking 'cross the way
Saw one not of his church
And couldn't bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.
The third one sat in tattered clothes
He gave his coat a hitch,
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich?
The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy, shiftless poor.
The black man's face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.
And the last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain,
Giving only to those who gave
Was how he played the game.
The logs held tight in death's stilled hands Was proof of human sin,
They didn't die from the cold without,
They died from the cold within.
That is right today is my Birthday, another year older and apparently wiser (um maybe that is debatable).
Either way, I am another year older and it just feels a little surreal. It is hard to wrap my head around it to degrees in part because I don't have my dad here with me anymore, just Norman and my mom's side of the family.
Perp Time 10 minutes
Chilling Time Overnight
1.25 Cup of Milk Alternative
1/2 cup of water
3 tbsp of Chia Seeds
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 tbsp Maple Syrup
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 Cup of blueberries
Pour the Almond/Soy Milk into a bowl.
Add Water, chia seeds, vanilla extract, Maple Syrup, and ground cinnamon, and mix thoroughly.
Pop the mixture into the fridge overnight.
Remove from the fridge and divide into 2 bowls
Top with the blueberries and enjoy!
How many pillows do you sleep with?
1 Body Pillow, been sleeping on the same pillow for over a decade now, I really should retire it. It's flat enough and should be but I keep going back to it as finding a replacement to it isn't been possible. I've tried many different ones and none of them have hit the mark as it does sadly.
What's your favorite type of foreign food?
General Japanese food would have to be the one foreign food that I really light to a high degree. I know that there are different types of Japanese foods out there based on the area it comes from and the like. I would say all Asian foods hold interest to me to various degrees for eating.
I know that I prefer their mock-meat versions of dishes, that use tofu and other foods to recreate the taste and texture of stuff like chicken, I find their time old methods of doing it much better than the modern stuff that is being mass-produced for consumption that is so sodium-laden and overly processed.
I have to STOP doing this, but I keep forgetting that I can't push myself without paying for it either immediately or within 24 hours of doing so.
What did I do? Something that most people would consider to be very simple. I made breakfast from scratch. I didn't do anything premade like cereal or Eggos or the like. I made from scratch vegetable scrambled "eggs" using ingredients from our little patio garden (hot pepper, regular pepper, basil, green onion, and cucumber).
I was standing at the oven, dicing up the ingredients instead of sitting in my chair, and dicing the ingredients at the kitchen table. It slipped my mind until afterward and then standing at the oven cooking everything up (I've not yet cooked from my chair, I know I need to, but I haven't dun so).
One reason I know I don't use the chair for cooking is that the stove is higher then I am in the chair, which makes it rather hard to reach it properly from a seated position - so that has put me offing cooking from the chair sadly. When it comes to the stove, coming at it from a side angle doesn't work with our kitchen setup. Have to rejig the layout for me to be able to do in along the side (which we can do since we have an open concept main room - unlike the other units we looked at which would never have allowed for anything other than a direct in and backing out option).
So here I sit, writing and being ticked with myself for not using the chair for some of it, but at least I was smart enough to ask Norman to do the bathroom tub. It needed a proper cleaning. I do a general wipe down after I use it, of course. But it still needs a regular scrubbing to get the accumulated grime gone.
We also have Laundry in the process, have already folded one load, and have another in the dryer drying. There is also another load in the washer ready to go once we have enough (which right now we do not). It means that our cores for the day done.
There is still stuff around the apartment that we need to do, such as cleaning the kitchen counters and the stove itself (but that can happen tomorrow, no rush for that at the moment).
Well, post more as time passes, take care, everyone!
What’s more important to you – having a career or a family?
As much as I would like to say a career, the truth of the matter is. The family has come first time and time again. I have tried to do the work deal, but every time something came up that needed me at home for my family that is where I could be found.
There are times when I did try to put the family on the back burner, such as when mom passed and I threw myself into work. That was not a bright idea to do, as it meant I wasn't dealing with her death directly as I really should have done so, but hindsight is 20/20. I can't change what I did, but I did change how I responded to my dad's passing and believe you me I so wanted to run away from the feelings and everything involved in it. But there is only me to deal with it, so deal with it I have had to do (though in truth I have been doing so in measured amounts, and still getting overwhelmed, unfortunately).
I was raised to value my family and so what I can to care for it, even if it just now the two of us and our chosen friends who we consider to be part of our extended family.
What are your favorite movies/shows/books?
I like the following
Follow My Leader by James B. Garfield
To Ride a Pale Horse by Paris Anthony
Not sure where to start, but guess the start of the day is good enough.
Started the day off by not getting much sleep at all, didn't get to sleep until 5:59 am (According to my FitBit) I only managed to get a few hours of sleep in before the pain woke me back up and wouldn't let me get back to sleep, so ended up getting up at 8:14 am (again according to the Fitbit).
Not the way that I needed to start the day off at all since I had to see my endocrinologist at 1 pm, I didn't want to be late for the appointment since I no longer live so close to the hospital as I once did I'm now a 30 to 45 min drive away or just over an hours transit ride away.
At any rate, when we got to my medical appointment, I noticed that the Farmers Market was taking place. I knew that it should be in operation as it happens every Tuesday - but in all honestly, I didn't know if they had or hadn't canceled this particular one, since other's that I know of have been canceled. So it was a pleasant surprise to see it was there, even nicer than all venders we talked to now took debit whereas before all only took cash.
Of course, I had emergency cash on me, but being able to pay it by debit was helpful since it allowed us to get something that we otherwise wouldn't have been able to get much. One of the venders had fresh picked Okra by the pint was 5.00 or two for 9.00 to some, not a great deal, but since the cost of Okra I have seen in stores like No Frills two for 9.00 is a good deal.
We got four field cucumbers, which on their own in the store is 2.00 plus. The four are of a decent size and weight, so again worth the price - part of me wishes I could have split the order between two cucumbers and two zucchini. Since it wasn't a planned shop, getting what was gotten was a good surprise.
Sadly, walking around the market, spent my bodies reserves for being able to walk fully. Walking back to our car after having walked to my medical appointment, then over to the market - waking to the car was more then my body could handle, and halfway to the car I started to lose feeling below the waist and started to shuffle walk and stumble. I had to keep moving because if I had stopped moving I wouldn't have been able to make it to our car. After all, the force I was putting into keeping things moving wouldn't have been enough to get me moving again once stopped sadly.
Once at the car, and sitting I was good. No problem with driving or using my feet/legs. It is like sitting down whatever was stopping the single going from my spinal cord to my legs was released and the single was allowed to return to normal. But sadly, as soon as I got out of the car at Walmart there was no strength in my legs/lower back to allow me to go shopping so it was good that we have my chair with us.
Norman unloaded it and off we went, bleeping shoulder and all. I am supposed to not be using the shoulder. But either I went shopping with him to get our pups their food with some minor essentials for us or I sat in the car (in the heat without any cool air to be had) boiled and waited for Norman does to the shopping. Ya not going to happen if I can well help it, my shoulder protested almost the entire time we were in Walmart but so be it.
One thing is for sure, using the chair to shop in is still going to take getting used to. It is a constant reminder that most things are out of my reach, plus my ability to handle some items when picking them up can be its challenge (when my hands claw up and won't release my fingers to grasp an item). One thing about the trip today was I wanted a yogurt that was on the highest shelf and a worker was restocking the shelves and he got it from the shelf and put it into the cart, that was great to have happened.
I'm upset that I couldn't do it myself. Having a stranger being willing to do something like that without being asked was something I was not expecting to see, but it was welcomed and appreciated.
I'm still not using to not being able to reach things from my new respective. I am not sure I will ever get used to it or not. Though one thing for sure is the general public seems to take it upon themselves to avoid you when you are in an aisle. The number of people who just turned around while we were shopping in a particular aisle was fair high. It wasn't as though they couldn't have gotten past us (there was plenty of room for them to do so).
This is one thing that I noticed today while we were out at Walmart. Also, people don't make eye contact anymore, something I am used to people making, even in passing. But it's like no one wants to even make minimal eye contact to you when you are in a wheelchair, I don't know why but it's like they are scared, shammed or something that they don't want to make contact or something.
Oh well, whatever. People will be as they are. I have to get used to my new reality and not let it make me feel less since without the chair I would be stuck in the car waiting for Norman to do the shopping and not being able to get a treat of my own since he wouldn't have known to get it for me, as I didn't know to get it until I saw it.
After Walmart, we had to stop off at Shoppers as I had gotten a TEXT saying that my Insulin Order was ready for pick up. Only to find out when I got there that it had been a semi mistake. Yes, my order was there, but their system had messed things up. I was supposed to have gotten it the same day as I picked up my first part of the order - but the person who got my medication had scanned the insulin into the system but hadn't given it to me. Then put it back in the fridge and not give it to me.
It took almost 20 minutes for them to clear it up, all the while I was wondering if I was going to get my insulin or not. I was happy when it got figured out finally. So I guess the person who did the scan is likely going to get a talking to, or I assume that they will, who knows.
Well, that was the day, busy and painful. I know that tomorrow will not be pain-free, but I can hope that it will be less problematic.
Post more as time passes.
Are you comfortable or uncomfortable in a disorganized environment?
I prefer an organized environment to work. However, I can work in an environment that is very much disorganized and being the person who is responsible for making some order out of that chaos. I've done it for various assignments when I did School Photography. I was very good at it.
But when doing my stuff, I like to have things organized to my personal needs. So I don't have to spend time hunting for stuff that I need for the job at hand.
Do you work better alone or in a busy environment?
I work very well alone. However, I can work in groups without issue.
For example, working doing photography that is sports-based loud comes with the territory, for the most part, so you have to learn to work with it and go with the flow. A lot of sports photography tends to be solo work, or small teams based.
But then you have school photography it changes depending on the time of year, school and other factors.
You can be solo doing retakes or working in small groups (1 other to 10+ other photographers depending on the school size n need). When it comes to the environment for how active it gets you can be working in a school gym one day with all the students being loud, and another day you could be in the school's lunchroom and part of the time it is low-level noise from the current class that is there to roaring loud cause its lunchtime.
You can also be in the school's library as a solo photographer doing retakes and only having a couple of students in at a time, and it is quite and less rushed feeling.
Similar deal with a small team doing graduation photos. Noise level can vary as each student is doing what they need to get ready for their turn in front of the camera.
It can be a low hum and very stressful because you have limited time and team members to complete the booked students for that day's sessions.
I've worked in all the above before, and for me, it was challenging and enjoyable. But I do admit that now, five years post, I do not believe I would have the same level of tolerance to the pace or environmental factors as I once had.
Here are July's stats according to the FitBit website.
72,181 steps taken
53.55 km traveled
71,168 calories burned
Well, I was hoping that I would be more active for July not less - but considering the weather, we ended up having and starting those muscle relaxants I'm actually not surprised in the decrease in activity level. I am hoping that August will be more active then July was maybe as active as of June (more would be nice, but in general any better than non).
Totally NOT the day, I was thinking it was going to be.
Why do you ask?
Simple, today for no reason what so ever I have actually cried over my Dad.
The first time was when Norman mentioned a TikTok, and before he could finish the story I was trying to not ball my eyes out (but ended up doing so)
The second time, scrolling through Facebook and a FB Friend posts one of the mass share posts, it is to do with dementia - so there is trigger crying 2
the third was just a few mins ago when I was on TikTok and one of the random for you posts comes up and its the one where the girl is handed a phone to call whoever in heaven and is when dialed "hello" and she says ..Mom that had me in tears, not because of thinking of my mom but because it immediately made me think about my dad.
Being this emotional is making me feel not great, it's like why the bleep am I feeling like this out of the blue? Sighs, one of those deals that happens.
I am very much used to deal with one specific LifeLab clinic and how their staff treats Norman and me with Storm and Payton. It has been a good 5+ years since we had been to this lab, the last time was when he still had Dendar as his Neurologist.
It wasn't all bad, but it was not what either of us was expecting (neither of us had been there with either of our service dogs before, so that was new territory for us), we got shown into a private room, instead of waiting out in the waiting room with everyone else. It was semi strange, though maybe not since we where together, yet there was a parent with their child in the waiting room waiting their turn.
I did notice that when the person at the desk saw our service dogs, they exchanged words with the other person at the registration desk (no idea what was said, I couldn't hear them, but based off of gestures and both looking at us, I assume they were asking each other what to do with us, so to speak). It wasn't a bad thing to be moved into a room away from everyone we seemed to get seen faster as when we finished the two people before Us was still sitting there waiting their turn and there were three more people who came in after us also waiting their turn. For the record there didn't seem to be lacking in staff, I counted what appeared to be at least five blood draw techs, of which it seemed only one of them was willing to even come into the room we where put into (so I assume that she was the one who didn't have an issue with dogs).
I knew I had to have a LOT of blood drawn (once again I forgot to scan or take a pic of the form) 8 vials there drawn, on the paperwork was tests potassium, sodium, full pannel for my thyroid, standard A1C request non-fasting, ANA, I know there were tests for other things also. It is just a matter of waiting for the results to be posted to their site before I can see what the results are and then hear back from my GP as to the findings.
I know I can see the results, but only my GP can say if something is off, based on previous reports vs. current reports.
Sighs, well post more as time passes.
Well, the scheduled appointment went alright. But I have fast started to dislike going out in public, more then I use to. Now I in all honestly virtually dread going to a medical appointment, where before I had 0 issues doing so.
The reason is before I could read expressions and lips and know within reason what was said to me. Now, it is much harder when someone is speaking to me, nevermind, what they are saying to me the majority of the time.
I can tell them that I am deaf, but that does little good as they still carry on. If you do not respond, the people get irritated and take it out on you for not paying attention to them. Yet they have completely disregarded the fact that you have already let them know that you are deaf.
Sadly this appointment started no different, then previous since needing to wear masks has become the new normal. The reception called me up to give them my info, which I was unaware of despite looking at them.
No one ever looked up or in my direction or even a hand gesture not until I failed to respond, only then the person actually stood up and virtually threw her hands up at me (as if to say, hello!!! I called you why are you not here already!).
I got to the window, hand over my sheet and health card (since I know that is what she needs to have). I also show her my note that states I am deaf and that I need to see their lips to know what is going on. All I got was an annoying eye expression (aka an Eye Roll) and a shooing motion, to go back to where I had been. So I go and sit and wait until a person in full PPE comes and puts her hand up to wave me towards her.
I think alright maybe the person knows, reception told them. But no. I assume she starts talking as soon as I get close to her because she moved away immediately as I got close. I had no idea what was happening, as in was she the X-ray tech, ultrasound tech, random person assigned to show me somewhere, etc.
She points at a curtained room while looking at me, I say to her I can not hear you, I am deaf. She moves her mask down enough to expose her lips and repeats that I am to take my top off, put the gown on, and leave the back open and wait to be called.
I thank her and do as directed kind of, I undress and put the gown as told, But I then stand in the doorway instead of sitting inside the cubical because I have no clue if she is the one coming back for me or someone else.
In short order, she appears and motions for me to follow her into another room. She lowers her mask and asks me why am I getting the x-ray - I reply I have something wrong with my shoulder we do not know what, so my GP wants it scanned to figure out what is going on/wrong.
She asks me to raise my arm as high as I can, which I do. She directed me to the x-ray machine instead of having me sit down. I have to stand because the range of motion she was expecting is not the case. I am now regretting not using my wheelchair. I had not expected to need it since I was not aware I would need to stand for a length of time (Ummm I was SOOOO wrong on that thinking).
I had to stand and put my arm in a couple of different positions - of which I found epic painful and had me in virtual tears from the increased pain - pain from the shoulder, but also the spasms in my back and legs from my dystonia did not help matters any.
After I am shown back to the cubical and told the ultrasound tech will be with me shortly - so more waiting, I text Norman while I wait to let him know what is going on. I had to do it solo, as the rules for most appointments, unless you need physical assistance, which I do not necessarily need most of the time.
At any rate, I text Norman to let him know that I finished the X-ray and am just waiting for the ultrasound and that I do not know my remaining timeline. We text for a few until the ultrasound tech knocks on the cubical and motions me to follow him.
I get to the Ultrasound room he motions for me to straddle the wickedly low ass stool. He pulls his mask down and says that he is going to manipulate my arm instead of asking me to do it if that is alright with me, and once he places it, I am to hold that position until he repositions it. I agree, it is better than me trying to do it as I know full well my arm responds better to having it moved by someone else and me just letting it happen, so it works for me.
So he pulls out the gel and the ultrasound wand and starts going over my shoulder with it louse at my side (dangling). On-screen, it takes a few moments for me to get an idea of what I am seeing, but what I am seeing does not look right. I can not place what was wrong with what I was seeing, but something was strange with the shoulder bone (it was not clean like I have seen in online ultrasound images).
He then starts to manipulate the arm/shoulder into positions if I had tried to do it, would have had me in even more pain. I did have to engage the muscle, bleep that had me in semi tears from the level of pain it caused.
He runs the wand over the front of the shoulder and takes like 12 images (at least that is what I assume the screen flashes meant). He moves to the back of the shoulder and does the same thing and takes more images (more screen flashes) and proceeds to manipulate my arm into other positions, with more scans taken along the way.
Watching the screen was interesting to see what the ultrasound was picking up. I have 0 clues about any of it, but some I knew some of what I was seeing was bone, muscle, and skin based on having looked at ultrasound images online.
I could not tell tendon from the muscle, that was just not something I could figure out from looking. I do know is that my actual shoulder bone had what appears to be an edge/point to it (which could be a bone spur) as well as what looked like a divot (an indent that I have not found online and when those wherein focus the screen flashed, so I assume it means something).
Afterward, he told me to clean up as best as I am able and toss the gown into the hamper, and I was free to leave when finished.
I thanked him and left. Trying to clean off the goop from my shoulder was harder to do than clearing that goop from my previous ultrasounds of my belly area. I finally resorted to using the gown like a big towel and shimmying it over while I rubbed my back shoulder against the wall to get the goop off. It worked, but I can only imagine what I looked like doing it.
I texted Norman to let him know that I was finished and was heading out and would see him in short order. It was good to see him, Storm and Payton again after everything. I am amazed at how stressful things can be when I do not have Storm with me. It is like she helps keep my stress levels lower or something.
Well after all that we headed back home and I went to bed, as my body was screaming at me that I needed to sleep/rest, it had had enough for the day.