Parents and the Childfree, Childless

In the past couple of days or so there has been heated debate if you can call it that going on twitter over the hash-tag #childfree and to a lesser degree the #childless hash-tag as well (though for the most part that tag seems to be not as flame worthy).

I know that I am not in favor of parents in general using the term childfree nor the term childless when they on a temp basis do not have their child or children with them - to me they are still parents regardless of if their children are or are not with them, its just part of being a parent once you have a child that is what you are, you can not be childfree or childless (unless said child passes away for what ever reason, then well that's a different matter entirely which I am so NOT getting into).

I know full well that those of us who do use the term childfree to denote that we do not have children and never wish to have children, just like there are those who use the term childless to mean the same thing, or to mean that they currently do not wish to have children but sometime in the future would like to become a parent or for others who use the term because they wish that they could be a parent but for what ever reason can't so see that using childless is the correct term to use.

Regardless of what hash-tag people use there will always be those who get upset over its use for what ever reason under the sun can be found. Only thing I know for myself is that if I really wished to have a child but because my body can't do that anymore (not that it really ever could thanks to medical issues) hearing those who are parents put down those who use the term childless would make me feel very upset, big time if it is still something that I was trying to come to term with or about.

I find it very insensitive for some parents to say various things about those who can't have children so have embraced a life not of their choice, getting put down because you choose to use childfree over childless can and does hurt some people because within the childfree community many have found friends and the help to move on from what "nature" denied them for what ever reason (and saying adoption is always an option, is wrong because its not always the case - adoption isn't always an option for various reasons that I just am not going to go into that is another blog post entirely).

I can't say that I like all the use of childfree that I see or some of the association that has been given to the term, such as "child haters", "anti-children" and other's that some parent's and in some cases those within the community itself have stated and or used. Yes there are those who do not like children and wish they didn't have to see or hear them out in public, but that is a small number of people who use the term childfree its not all of us who use it, some of us are infertile and have come to terms with not being able to be parents so have tried to embrace the childfree side of things, or some of us have known for years that being a parents isn't right for us so made the choice not to have them by any means possible, then there are those of us who though happen stance of life just never found the partner to have a child with or that said partner already had children who are grown or just themselves couldn't have them.

What gets my goat at times is the comments that we must hate or dislike our parents for brining us into this world if we wish not to be parents ourselves, well I know a few people who this might well be the reason they at childfree, but for the main part I can't say that this is the case that I've seen or heard from those I've talked with (at least within my local community), some of us love our folks we just lack the drive or need to be a parent which has no reflection on our parents or how we where brought up. I few people I know had to actually raise children of other family members and that in and of itself put them off in having their own children (which is in part my husbands case).

My folks where childless, they wonted to become parents and they tried for a number of years and even tried to adopt a child (which fell though at the last moment) they finally had given up and said if it happens it happens if not so be it they will make the best of life has been given to them. Several years later mom gets the news that I'm on the way but do to her age it might not be a valid pregnancy so she might have to terminate it if things don't go well, but the fates smiles on my folks and I was born but unfortunately as some would see it the fates played that cruel joke on them making me unable to have a child myself and having me with a lack of interest in being a parent to boot (which to me isn't a bad thing, but for them it was hard to hear as they had wished to be grandparents at some point in their lives - though that has changed over the years to being glad that they aren't or so my mom says to me time and time again).

So for me I see it as we all make a choice in life, some of those choices are not very popular with those around us or the world in general, but we have made a choice, just like someone who has made the choice to have a child, bring it into this world and to keep it and to raise it. Being a Parent is a Choice, being Childfree for most is also a Choice. One can argue semantics to the cows come home and beyond, it doesn't change the fact that some people will view things one way while other's will view it in a different light - its just how things are on this planet at least how it does seem to me.

You'll Change Your Mind...

As I sit here drinking my second cup of coffee, going though various childfree sites and watching my various twitter feeds with the TV going and Norman at my side on his computer (playing on facebook and chatting with friends).

I'm thinking various random thoughts, one of them is how much more laundry I still need to do and regretting not doing the dishes as soon as they needed doing so now have piled up enough that well its taken three or four times as long to do them as it should - oh well that's what one gets when one gets busy and doesn't do thing right away, you pay the price with less free time open to you to do things you wish or other wise feel you need to do (like go to the pharmacy and pick up your medications).

Which leads me into thinking about other topics and the one that has been on my mind or rather I've been hearing a lot of late (though twitter, facebook and other sources) "You'll change your mind..." weather the commend if from those who can't understand why someone with PCOS would not wish to have children or be it from those who can't understand why I've not converted to Norman's religion that he was raised in to some other topic at hand, there is a lot of comments going on with the "You'll Change Your Mind" going on around me of late.

Now I can understand why someone might ask such a question, because I've said a few times the same deal under various topic headings - now it makes me thing why did I say it and when I hear it my own response to the comment. I've said it under the terms of "you'll change your mind, when your older" in regards to someone who said that they will never find the right person to be with, yet hearing that from a 16 just makes me think that they are young and thus haven't meet enough people yet to make such a statement in a lasting deal, yet who am I to say that when I had people when I was that age telling me that I'll change my mind when it comes to not wishing to have children.

But I can also say that said person hasn't found their one as yet, but nor has she dated since she got serious about her education and is looking to get her education before she starts the dating world, but now she agrees that with time she will find the right person for her once she is ready to do so, since she does wish to have that "ideal family" deal going on.

But I still think about my own what ifs, if N could have fathered children would I still be as strong on my stance to be childfree as I am? If I would still have a child of my body and N could give me that child would I have gone to the lengths I did in the past to make sure it didn't happen. I have no answer to those questions because the past is the past and one of the reasons I chose to date N to start with is because he wished to be Childfree, but at the same time I do still wonder if I had meet him early on in my life (before getting raped, before the miscarriage, etc) would I have put aside my wish to be childfree in let nature takes its course if it was meant to be.

But its the past, I can't undo what has been dun. But I do think that even if I had meet him early on that I would still have kept my childfree status and wish. In part because I've never had that maternal side when it comes to children, I can get along with them for short periods of time, but at the end of the day I do have to give them back because I just can't do the 24/7 deal with them. Though it still is part of my life of "what ifs" because well its something I just wonder about - but see no need to worry about or invest in because its just a quoristy not a driving need.

Thus all those comments of "you'll change your mind" or "wait till when you are older" I have said and I still get told. But I also know that I fall into the general world out there of expecting another female or male to become a parent, even if I am not interest or like the idea, its still something that I expect to happen because its the so called norm and am always pleasantly surprised to hear and meet someone else who has made the choice to be childfree for what ever reason is their own.

Women Are More Then Baby Makers

I was reading over lostlittlepixie’s tumblr posting and one of her posts caught my attention in particular that “simple” sentence, that it actually made me wish to write a response to it, even if she doesn’t read or follow me because I feel her general statment to inculude all women under the same umbrella does us no justice and just continues the discrimination that does on agaist those who can’t or choose not to have children.

I 100% disagree with the statement “its embedded in every womans biological makeup to be a mother, to carry and give birth to this beautiful baby.” I fully disagree because I know that there are several of us who like lostlittlepixie have PCOS who have chosen NOT to have children we have chosen to be Childfree by choice.

For that matter there are many women out there in the general population who have no ticking of the biological clock thus no wish to have children either (who in some cases go to great length to make sure it doesn’t have a chance of happen).

There are even men out there who have no biological desire to sire children, they have no wish to pass on their genes and they have no interest or wish to be a parent.

Having a child (either biological or though adoption) is a choice that one makes, it does not come down to the simple deal of it being a biological necessity, yes one of the possible results of sex itself is reproduction but just because it is one of the possible results doesn’t make it a biological goal or necessity for everyone, one does not need to reproduce to survive/live, if one fails to do so you will not die from the lack of doing so.

Being childfree or childless makes you no less a woman or man then being a parent makes you “all grown up” or what have you. Being a parent is just another choice that you make in life, just like making the choice to live a full and productive life as best as you are able to do so.

I am no less a woman because nature took my ability to have children away or because I chose to be childfree, I am a women regardless of my state of reproduction ability because being a woman is more then having or making babies.

My Truth About PCOS Symptoms..

After reading a few people's blogs who also have PCOS and reading their answers to the list of what research says you will have to deal with if you have PCOS, like other people's blogs I'm going to write my side of it, I know in many regards I do not have it as bad off as other's have it, in fact compaired to many I've gotten off lightly. So here is my side of the deal as I see it though my own eyes.

 Early symptoms of PCOS include: 
 Few or no menstrual periods. This can range from less than nine menstrual cycles in a year (more than 35 days between cycles) to no menstrual periods. Some women with PCOS have regular periods but are not ovulating every month. This means that their ovaries are not releasing an egg each month.

Well I know when I was a child and my cycles first started I was 7 years old and maybe for the first year they where semi regular, as in every two months or less I'd be getting them and they would be fair heavy, but I didn't think anything of it. Then the weight gain started and my cycles got less and less till I was lucky to get an hour of bleeding once a year.

Hair loss from the scalp and hair growth (hirsutism) on the face, chest, back, stomach, thumbs, or toes. About 70% of women in the United States with PCOS complain of these hair problems caused by high androgen levels. Acne and oily skin, caused by high androgen levels.

Again this was something that I experianced growing up, at age 13 I found my first white hair on my way to my Jr. High Graduation, not a great thing to find at that age what so ever. Though I am lucky in this area that I only had the hair falling out issue on the top of my head, no hair on my chest to speak of and very little on my back (though that's now changed or so my husband tells me). I do have hair on my hands, but I can't remember a time that its never not been there so its never been an issue to me same goes for my toes its always been there so I've never paid it any attention. Only hair I am now actually paying attention to is the part that has start to be more noticible on my upper lip, not that is starting to get rather annoying!

Acne and oily skin, caused by high androgen levels.

I have the Acne, but I do not have oily skin and most of the acne I have is on my body not on my face as is common for most people - but I find is more annoying big time when it likes to appear on my breast.

Depression or mood swings. Hormonal changes are a known cause of emotional symptoms.

K I did go though a short period of Depression according to my mom, but we don't link it to the PCOS but to that abusive relationship I was in for over a year. But the mood swings, well that is another matter, according to my mom I've always been moody so she's not ready to say that its because of the PCOS, though I am sure some of it might well be. I do know that some of my mood swings are do to High Glucose levels or Low Glucose levels going to high or going to low I have found can trigger a swing in my moods big time.

PCOS symptoms that may develop gradually include: Weight gain or upper body obesity (more around the abdomen than the hips). This is linked to high androgen levels.

Not sure about this in general, as most of my weight is carried in my hip area, I'm more a pear shape then an Apple which is the common look for those with PCOS or so I've been told, I'm also close to the Hourglass form as I am the Pear shape (as in I'm only 10 inches different from the width of my shoulder to the width of my hips, and only 5 inches different from my width of my shoulder to the width of my waste.

Male-pattern baldness or thinning hair (alopecia). This is linked to high androgen levels.

As I stated above this is something that I have found happening to me since I entered into my teen years. Though one funny thing once I had my hysterectomy I my head hair started thickening and down below where I was once almost bald started to grow with avengance.

Repeat miscarriages. The cause for this is not known. These miscarriages may be linked to high insulin levels, delayed ovulation, or other problems such as the quality of the egg or how the egg attaches to the uterus.

I've only ever had one known miscarriage, there might have been other's but I only know of one actually taking place.

Inability to become pregnant (infertility). This is because the ovaries are not releasing an egg (not ovulating).

Well I know I will never have a child of my body, and I am 100% alright with that. Its not something that was ever meant to be and since I don't have the drive to be a mother its something that is alright with me. Being infertile to me is a blessing, it opens up a whole lot of things that I don't have to worry about, though it does isolate me at times from other women who can't understand how I can be happy without being a mother.

Symptoms of too much insulin (hyperinsulinemia) and insulin resistance, which can include upper body weight gain and skin changes, such as skin tags or dark, velvety skin patches under the arm, on the neck, or in the groin and genital area.

Well of all the signs listed above I only really have had to deal with the skin tags, they haven't been that bad and the ones that are most annoying I tend to take care of on my own.

Breathing problems while sleeping (obstructive sleep apnea). This is linked to both obesity and insulin resistance.

As yet this is not something what I have any known issue with, my husband hasn't mentioned anything about it so as yet I don't think I have an issue with it.

Pain in the lower abdomen and pelvis (chronic pelvic pain).

I lived with this for close to 5 years, it getting worse and worse and worse with each passing year and nothing my gyn or doc would to do help with the 24/7 pain that I was having to deal with. I finally all came to a stop when I had the hysterectomy in 2008. However in the past year its started up again, and there is no rhyme or reason for it since I do not have a reproductive system in place anymore.

High blood pressure may be more common in women with PCOS, especially if they are very overweight. Your doctor will check your blood pressure.

Well so far so good on this grounds when it comes to what my Endo says with each visit. I still not close to having it if anything my levels are better then my age group and way better then my age group for those with diabetes to start with, so all in all he's happy with how that side of things are with me.

Homemade Hamburgers

As healthy as we can make them Hamburgers
40 Minutes to Prepare and Cook
Number of Servings: 6

Ingredients
Ground beef, extra lean, 16 oz
Onions, raw, 1 cup, chopped
Breadcrumbs, 25 grams
Egg, fresh, 1 large
Garlic, 8 cloves
Becel, 2 tsp

Directions
Chop up the onion (diced or chunks which ever you prefer) and Mince up the garlic

Then in on a medium bowl combine the ground beef, onion and garlic well - add the bread crumbs and egg and continue mixing till well mixed

Form into 6 equal balls and set aside

Get out your skillet and add oil or butter or some agent to prevent the burgers from sticking.

Get the skillet nice and hot and place the burger balls on the skillet (using a spatula flatten the ball out) and cook till cooked though, repeat with remaining balls.

Serve and enjoy.

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Nutrition Facts
  Servings Per Recipe: 6
  Serving Size: 1 serving
Amount Per Serving
  Calories 228.2
  Total Fat 15.3 g
     Saturated Fat 5.6 g
     Polyunsaturated Fat 1.1 g
     Monounsaturated Fat 6.5 g
  Cholesterol 87.6 mg
  Sodium 73.6 mg
  Potassium 282.8 mg
  Total Carbohydrate 5.6 g
     Dietary Fiber 0.8 g
     Sugars 0.0 g
  Protein 16.2 g
  Vitamin A 2.7 %
  Vitamin B-12 27.3 %
  Vitamin B-6 14.4 %
  Vitamin C 4.9 %
  Vitamin D 6.1 %
  Vitamin E 3.7 %
  Calcium 2.2 %
  Copper 4.2 %
  Folate 3.8 %
  Iron 9.6 %
  Magnesium 4.9 %
  Manganese 5.9 %
  Niacin 17.5 %
  Pantothenic Acid     4.5 %
  Phosphorus     13.6 %
  Riboflavin 14.2 %
  Selenium 19.7 %
  Thiamin 4.6 %
  Zinc 22.1 %

*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.